I don't know what to do
Call me paranoid, but I spend many of my days gridlocked and worrying about an unsure future.
I don't know the best place or ways to survive, and I don't know how to make a suture.
All I do all day is think, go to work, and read or practice on how to prepare better; learn my niche
survival and thrival skills or trying to build my community
I don't know how to really take time for myself anymore.
I've only cried maybe five times since october, but even when, I'm never feeling to a full extent
Something's wrong with my emotions, and I try and think why,
but I just feel guilty for even giving myself that time
Giving myself that love to heal from such minor grievances that I deal with compared to others,
when I tell myself I should be spending all my days and hours to help.
But I'm 17, I keep saying to myself, really, radicalized less than a year ago, but it shouldn't matter.
Billions of oppressed and occupied kids have had to fight for their lives and their freedom since the moment they could perceive.
This very O'odham land I stand on was stolen for people like me, and I'm sorry.
I haven't been able to conceive how so many people in the world can still be so truly blind.
Maybe just cause I'm young so I've been brainwashed for less long,
but when we see in real time the shit happening behind screens or in the streets,
when even CNN or NBC can't keep justifying israel or america. (update: they can)
I don't know what to do
picking between two white genocidal senile fart-for-brains isn't a bucket-list to-do,
republicans scares the hell out of me, and I'm sure you too.
But what scares me just the same is the left's political game.
left, right, they follow the same book, big business money's got them all sunk on its hook.
I haven't been able to make an art piece, I haven't been able to finish a song,
I haven't been able to hang out with old friends, and I haven't felt mentally strong.
But I know that "we the people" have collective power for upheaval.
Civilization has existed long before empires,
& humans aren't born evil, subject to lustful desires.
I don't know what the world will come to, but it's been post-apocalypse for so many.
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